Desdamona is now digitally downloadable.
goto:
www.itunes.com
also check out:
www.iamcheapcologne.com to hear the latest track I did on the "Something Random" compilation CD - released in November!
Monday, November 21, 2005
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Big Brother is HERE!
Just watched 60 minutes and they had a story on Companies who fire employees who smoke....and it's legal. There are companies who have these new health programs that monitor and regulate programs that are built to lessen health care costs.
This makes it easy for them to eliminate the people who have poor health and require more medical assistance.
Now, as much as I agree that it would be great if everyone were healthy I don't see this as a good thing. I don't like smoke so I don't smoke but that doesn't mean that I should be able to decide if someone else can do it or not. I know it's bad for you but I wouldn't want anyone saying to me, "You have to lose 10 lbs or we'll fire you." This is an invasion of privacy and I don't think that your employer she be able to control this part of your life.
I feel like Big Brother is gettin bigger and bigger. There are already many camera's on interstate's and downtown city streets and they are supposedly meant to keep crime down. Ok, I can see that. But everything is becoming more and more controled. People are being lulled into a submissive state. People actually try out to be an "reality shows" that exploit them. They're clammering to get on these shows! It's like we've been tricked and now everyone wants their life on screen. IT's that lure of becoming a star that caught us. But the reality is that these aren't reality shows...They're exploitation, manipulation and it's scary!
This continues to get worse on many levels. Our rights are slowly melting away to the point that we don't even realize that it's happening. Once it's too late, we'll be sorry.
Two years ago my apartment was raided by the cops. Or should I say, armed officers with their guns drawn. There were at least 5 of them who kicked both my front and back doors down, breaking one of them. Upon their entrance I was getting out of the shower - naked. There were running footsteps I heard and then, "Open the door!" But instead of waiting for me to open the door, they kicked it open. and in came 5 cops, guns on me. I was told numerous times to put my hands up. I put them up while still holding my robe in front of me. Had I been in the shower when they came in I don't know what might have happened. I'm sure they would have busted into my bedroom and scared the living shit out of me.
One cop had his gun on me the entire time while the rest proceeded through the apartment. To this day I don't know exactly what or who they were looking for. From what I can gather they were looking for someone who had ties to the people in the apartment below mine and I heard them say, "we saw him come in here."
The only thing they said to me was, "get your hands up!" numerous time. Of course, I was shaking and completely in shock. When they didn't find anything or anyone they left and one of them said, "get your clothes on!" I felt completely violated especially with that last statement. Excuse me, I thought...get the fuck out of my house and don't tell me to get my clothes on! No, I didn't say that - I was scared to move at the time.
I got dressed and it has never been so hard to actually put clothes on in my life. I was still shaking and confused about what the hell just happened.
They left every door of my apartment wide open - and I'm the naked woman inside - hello! Why would you leave the doors wide open. What happened to "serve and protect"?
Once I got dressed I looked out the window and saw at least 10 plain clothed officers - not the ones who were in my apartment. And that freaked me even more. I had talked to my landlord and he had told me to go out and talk to them but at this point I was afraid to walk outside. I didn't know if I would have to walk out with my hands up or if there was New cameras there. So, I didn't go outside. I should have gone outside and found out what the hell happened but I highly doubt that I would have gotten the answers I was looking for.
For the next month or so every noise I heard scared the crap out of me and I couldn't relax in my own house.
Today I saw the cop who had his gun on me the whole time. I will never forget him. I have seen him about 3 times since the raid incident and everytime I see him anger bubbles up inside me. I don't feel safe or like he would help me if I needed it. I don't even feel like he gives a shit. Just doing his "job". I have less and less faith in our police and I know they're not all assholes. I just wish one of them would have had the courtesy to let me know what was happening once they realized that I wasn't involved and I was completely violated. But I guess they can't apologize for stuff like that because then that would mean that they are wrong.
This makes it easy for them to eliminate the people who have poor health and require more medical assistance.
Now, as much as I agree that it would be great if everyone were healthy I don't see this as a good thing. I don't like smoke so I don't smoke but that doesn't mean that I should be able to decide if someone else can do it or not. I know it's bad for you but I wouldn't want anyone saying to me, "You have to lose 10 lbs or we'll fire you." This is an invasion of privacy and I don't think that your employer she be able to control this part of your life.
I feel like Big Brother is gettin bigger and bigger. There are already many camera's on interstate's and downtown city streets and they are supposedly meant to keep crime down. Ok, I can see that. But everything is becoming more and more controled. People are being lulled into a submissive state. People actually try out to be an "reality shows" that exploit them. They're clammering to get on these shows! It's like we've been tricked and now everyone wants their life on screen. IT's that lure of becoming a star that caught us. But the reality is that these aren't reality shows...They're exploitation, manipulation and it's scary!
This continues to get worse on many levels. Our rights are slowly melting away to the point that we don't even realize that it's happening. Once it's too late, we'll be sorry.
Two years ago my apartment was raided by the cops. Or should I say, armed officers with their guns drawn. There were at least 5 of them who kicked both my front and back doors down, breaking one of them. Upon their entrance I was getting out of the shower - naked. There were running footsteps I heard and then, "Open the door!" But instead of waiting for me to open the door, they kicked it open. and in came 5 cops, guns on me. I was told numerous times to put my hands up. I put them up while still holding my robe in front of me. Had I been in the shower when they came in I don't know what might have happened. I'm sure they would have busted into my bedroom and scared the living shit out of me.
One cop had his gun on me the entire time while the rest proceeded through the apartment. To this day I don't know exactly what or who they were looking for. From what I can gather they were looking for someone who had ties to the people in the apartment below mine and I heard them say, "we saw him come in here."
The only thing they said to me was, "get your hands up!" numerous time. Of course, I was shaking and completely in shock. When they didn't find anything or anyone they left and one of them said, "get your clothes on!" I felt completely violated especially with that last statement. Excuse me, I thought...get the fuck out of my house and don't tell me to get my clothes on! No, I didn't say that - I was scared to move at the time.
I got dressed and it has never been so hard to actually put clothes on in my life. I was still shaking and confused about what the hell just happened.
They left every door of my apartment wide open - and I'm the naked woman inside - hello! Why would you leave the doors wide open. What happened to "serve and protect"?
Once I got dressed I looked out the window and saw at least 10 plain clothed officers - not the ones who were in my apartment. And that freaked me even more. I had talked to my landlord and he had told me to go out and talk to them but at this point I was afraid to walk outside. I didn't know if I would have to walk out with my hands up or if there was New cameras there. So, I didn't go outside. I should have gone outside and found out what the hell happened but I highly doubt that I would have gotten the answers I was looking for.
For the next month or so every noise I heard scared the crap out of me and I couldn't relax in my own house.
Today I saw the cop who had his gun on me the whole time. I will never forget him. I have seen him about 3 times since the raid incident and everytime I see him anger bubbles up inside me. I don't feel safe or like he would help me if I needed it. I don't even feel like he gives a shit. Just doing his "job". I have less and less faith in our police and I know they're not all assholes. I just wish one of them would have had the courtesy to let me know what was happening once they realized that I wasn't involved and I was completely violated. But I guess they can't apologize for stuff like that because then that would mean that they are wrong.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Critical Condition
I have a friend who is critical about everything. At first, I found him to be a great observer who looked deeper into things before he just accepted them. This is good....but, then I slowly came to realize that being critical about everything can tend to just bring you down over a period of time.
Although I think that it is good to question things I also think it is just as important to see the good things about a situation. When you're overly critical you set yourself up to be disappointed on a regular basis. Nothing lives up to your standards and I would think that you would start to feel very alone.
So, for me the lesson is simple. Start to see the great things in people, things, places, events, whatever it is. You might start to see your own spirit lifted and this is always a good thing. Don't get caught in the critique. I think it's bad when you don't think about the things you do or consume but I also believe that you can think too much and analyze something into the ground and completely miss the point.
Although I think that it is good to question things I also think it is just as important to see the good things about a situation. When you're overly critical you set yourself up to be disappointed on a regular basis. Nothing lives up to your standards and I would think that you would start to feel very alone.
So, for me the lesson is simple. Start to see the great things in people, things, places, events, whatever it is. You might start to see your own spirit lifted and this is always a good thing. Don't get caught in the critique. I think it's bad when you don't think about the things you do or consume but I also believe that you can think too much and analyze something into the ground and completely miss the point.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Fly Away
4/26/05 desdamona
When she came into this world I had to stage a serious intervention. I wanted her to be able to make a decision without having to actually live through all the pain to learn.So I told her of what this world is really made of. She looked at me with eyes of innocense, so intense I could only look for a moment. She twisted her face in order to hear me, see me. I don't know what she saw when she looked at me. I don't know what language heaven speaks so I did my best to translate my speech into something heavenly.
When I told her of the atrocities that we have inflicted upon eachother she wailed and screamed, could hardly breathe. She shook and shuddered and I held her close to me. Her eyes turned from a bright brown to a cloudy dark blue.
When I told her what our knowledge had done to us she smiled a sheepish grin and turned her head to the side as if to say that she could change the direction we are going. Slowly, she began to speak but I could not decipher her poetry. I listened attentively, hoping that my respect would grant me the ability to understand all the love she had to tell me.
I spoke briefly to her about these disease that we spread with ease but at this, she didn't want to hear me...So, I stopped...deciding that maybe I should tell her of something new. So I whispered the song of my childhood, with all the good and bad
the days of cool grass under me, climbing the mullberry trees and hiding where no one could see me...about the peace and violation of innocence. And she looked at me like she already knew. I told her that as she gets older she will turn into only an echo of what she used to be and a charmed laugh rolled out of her throat as if she had the secret to defy time.
I told her that it was probably best if she just flew away. But after all I had to say....she decided to stay.
When she came into this world I had to stage a serious intervention. I wanted her to be able to make a decision without having to actually live through all the pain to learn.So I told her of what this world is really made of. She looked at me with eyes of innocense, so intense I could only look for a moment. She twisted her face in order to hear me, see me. I don't know what she saw when she looked at me. I don't know what language heaven speaks so I did my best to translate my speech into something heavenly.
When I told her of the atrocities that we have inflicted upon eachother she wailed and screamed, could hardly breathe. She shook and shuddered and I held her close to me. Her eyes turned from a bright brown to a cloudy dark blue.
When I told her what our knowledge had done to us she smiled a sheepish grin and turned her head to the side as if to say that she could change the direction we are going. Slowly, she began to speak but I could not decipher her poetry. I listened attentively, hoping that my respect would grant me the ability to understand all the love she had to tell me.
I spoke briefly to her about these disease that we spread with ease but at this, she didn't want to hear me...So, I stopped...deciding that maybe I should tell her of something new. So I whispered the song of my childhood, with all the good and bad
the days of cool grass under me, climbing the mullberry trees and hiding where no one could see me...about the peace and violation of innocence. And she looked at me like she already knew. I told her that as she gets older she will turn into only an echo of what she used to be and a charmed laugh rolled out of her throat as if she had the secret to defy time.
I told her that it was probably best if she just flew away. But after all I had to say....she decided to stay.
Stars
Sept. 27 / desdamona
In the city you can't see the stars
mistaking street lights for (the) heaven(s) - no constillations
I used to drive out on gravel roads
lay down on the hood of my car
and watch star after star fall and disappear
In the city, a different kind of star falls here
a different kind a light rides here
Here, enveloped by self doubt and circumstance
we elope on fatal clouds and happenstance
the trance of dreams unweaved from what we once believed
turning into something that will never be
we be-come bereaved with the passing of these pieces of sleep
slipping from youth to early demise
our eyes cannot conjour the colors like they used to
criticism just aint' what we're used to
what we choose changes as life shifts planes
never stagnant, this magnet – shifting back and forth
if only it could take us back to what there was before
so we could overstand this exploration
metaphors become our life long occupation
searching for signs of life inside this deep space station
adoration slips away on disbelief
we can't quite see what others see
seeking new narcotics to nurse our neglected souls
sucking on negativity
thinking we lack when we're fully whole
ignoring chances to be free
stopping in our tracks when we're on a roll
what would life be if we lived successfully
lacking direction, we lose control
acting like we fucked it up intentionally
these super nova newborns burn slowly
ashes to the sun, pheonix rising
hopefully we can see destiny
through the smoke and ashes – to reach past us
through eternity to see the super stars in you
stars in me
stars in you
stars in me
stars in you
amongst the pavement and potholes
angels and lost souls occupy the same space
in time they will collide
it's time to choose sides
lives will be taken so that new can be created
some will be assimilated
wearing sheeps clothes when they're not
just a veil over these problems we got
history repeats for we, wolves and sheep
tranquillity arrives when we choose peace
In the city you can't see the stars
mistaking street lights for (the) heaven(s) - no constillations
I used to drive out on gravel roads
lay down on the hood of my car
and watch star after star fall and disappear
In the city, a different kind of star falls here
a different kind a light rides here
Here, enveloped by self doubt and circumstance
we elope on fatal clouds and happenstance
the trance of dreams unweaved from what we once believed
turning into something that will never be
we be-come bereaved with the passing of these pieces of sleep
slipping from youth to early demise
our eyes cannot conjour the colors like they used to
criticism just aint' what we're used to
what we choose changes as life shifts planes
never stagnant, this magnet – shifting back and forth
if only it could take us back to what there was before
so we could overstand this exploration
metaphors become our life long occupation
searching for signs of life inside this deep space station
adoration slips away on disbelief
we can't quite see what others see
seeking new narcotics to nurse our neglected souls
sucking on negativity
thinking we lack when we're fully whole
ignoring chances to be free
stopping in our tracks when we're on a roll
what would life be if we lived successfully
lacking direction, we lose control
acting like we fucked it up intentionally
these super nova newborns burn slowly
ashes to the sun, pheonix rising
hopefully we can see destiny
through the smoke and ashes – to reach past us
through eternity to see the super stars in you
stars in me
stars in you
stars in me
stars in you
amongst the pavement and potholes
angels and lost souls occupy the same space
in time they will collide
it's time to choose sides
lives will be taken so that new can be created
some will be assimilated
wearing sheeps clothes when they're not
just a veil over these problems we got
history repeats for we, wolves and sheep
tranquillity arrives when we choose peace
Monday, October 17, 2005
The Things We Remember
When I was in 4th grade I used to write a lot of notes. My friends and I sent them back and forth almost every day. It was probably really good practice for me because I wasn't the best reader or writer. I was in the lowest reader class which was pretty embarrassing for me and I also had to take one on one speech lessons. It was an S thing.
I remember once, one of my friend must have been mad at me and she told me all the things that were wrong with me. Number one on the list was that I didn't know how to spell “writing”. I spelled it like this, writting. Well, to this day when I write the word writing – I remember the day I learned how to spell it right.
I don't really consider myself to be a great writer. You can read my posts and see that I'm no pro. But what I am good at is expressing my thoughts, off of the page....where it doesn't matter if anything is mis-spelled. And all those, “sally sold sea shells by the sea shore” really paid off. Now I don't have to sit a room the size of a closet and receit alliteration/ poetry to an audience of one.....I get to to do it for lots of people.
I remember once, one of my friend must have been mad at me and she told me all the things that were wrong with me. Number one on the list was that I didn't know how to spell “writing”. I spelled it like this, writting. Well, to this day when I write the word writing – I remember the day I learned how to spell it right.
I don't really consider myself to be a great writer. You can read my posts and see that I'm no pro. But what I am good at is expressing my thoughts, off of the page....where it doesn't matter if anything is mis-spelled. And all those, “sally sold sea shells by the sea shore” really paid off. Now I don't have to sit a room the size of a closet and receit alliteration/ poetry to an audience of one.....I get to to do it for lots of people.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Once. Twice. Three times for the Lady.
I did 3 shows tonight. First one in Minneapolis at Walker Church. A sort of celebration and appreciation of the elders in our community. I felt honored to be a part of something like that. I was one of the younger performers there and I kept thinking how funny it would have been if there had been a hip hop crowd there.
Show 2: in St Paul at "Over the Rainbow". A friend asked me to perform at her first all women showcase. It was a good night and I got to meet some new people. Got a headache just before I went on (2nd day in a row) but took some ibuprofin. Didn't seem to make a dent in the inner-head-explosion. But I survived to live through another headache.
Show 3: Downtown Minneapolis at Nochee - a sort of "upscale bar" - at least to me. Possibly a meat market but not sleazy - maybe just a little greazy (men with slicked back hair). Played with The New Congress
Had some lovely, yummy chicken wings for 14.99 - yikes! But they were good and I needed to eat something. I took the ibuprofin on an empty stomach. bah! mistake.
and the wind down: Now I'm home and amazingly, not too tired. I should be because I had a show last night and had to get up this morning for an interview. I'm sure that any moment now my battery is going to run out of juice....so, before I get too low....I'll go.
Show 2: in St Paul at "Over the Rainbow". A friend asked me to perform at her first all women showcase. It was a good night and I got to meet some new people. Got a headache just before I went on (2nd day in a row) but took some ibuprofin. Didn't seem to make a dent in the inner-head-explosion. But I survived to live through another headache.
Show 3: Downtown Minneapolis at Nochee - a sort of "upscale bar" - at least to me. Possibly a meat market but not sleazy - maybe just a little greazy (men with slicked back hair). Played with The New Congress
Had some lovely, yummy chicken wings for 14.99 - yikes! But they were good and I needed to eat something. I took the ibuprofin on an empty stomach. bah! mistake.
and the wind down: Now I'm home and amazingly, not too tired. I should be because I had a show last night and had to get up this morning for an interview. I'm sure that any moment now my battery is going to run out of juice....so, before I get too low....I'll go.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Thoughts on the Hurricane
Someone sent out a call for responses to the Hurricane. They wanted people to send these reponses. This is what I wrote.
First I will say that I think it is a terrible tragedy and I do understand the desire to rebuild but I think that there is a message that we are missing.
I have never been to New Orleans so I don't have the connection that the people who have visited or lived there have. But I do have compassion and I can't imagine what it would be like to lose everything and not be able to retrieve anything. It would break my heart.
I think that nature is trying to tell us something. Think back just a little bit, the tsunami, multiple hurricane's, and most recently earthquakes. This past weekend I saw a show on public television about a lost city in Asia. They were trying to determine what happened to the city. Why did it get taken over by the jungle? In the end they found that the city had become so big that they had used all their resources, and the toll that the people were taking on the land was too much for it to take. Floods began to take over among other things. The jungle and forrested areas are like sponges and they soke up water. Our cities and towns are not sponges. And the place where they were studying had been a city larger than New York City. Massive tragedy took over the city through natural disasters which probably led to a huge death toll and then disease. I believe that is what is happening to our world today. As it has repeatedly happened throughout history.
I don't think that it is a good idea to rebuild because it is certain to happen again. Certian. Not probably or possible. It will happen again. How many more people have to die before we listen to what the earth is telling us? We are over-populated, we don't take care of our world, and we war like there is no tomorrow, we use all our natural resources and cut down trees because they ruin the "view". Soon, there will be no tomorrow and it will be our fault because we did not read or listen to the signs. We did not try to stop the maddness. We did not respect the land. We will pay the price...many already have.
We are stubborn and we want what we think belongs to us. We want to be resilient and build it up again to prove that we can carry on. It's a nice romantic sentitment. But will our children or their children be the ones who suffer because we weren't going to let mother nature get the best of us? What are we trying to prove by rebuilding? That we can't be knocked down? Well, we CAN be knocked down and maybe we should wipe off the dirt, tend to the wounds and say, " Maybe this isn't going to work out. We had a beautiful city and now it's gone. Let's build a memorial to our city and it's people so that others don't forget. Let's use the money it would take to rebuild and give it to those who lost so much in this tragedy."
You should always listen to your Mother.
But again, I know that I don't fully understand. I have never been there. What I do understand is that I don't want more people to die because of human stubborness and determination. This has happened too many times. We must learn.
Peace,
desdamona
First I will say that I think it is a terrible tragedy and I do understand the desire to rebuild but I think that there is a message that we are missing.
I have never been to New Orleans so I don't have the connection that the people who have visited or lived there have. But I do have compassion and I can't imagine what it would be like to lose everything and not be able to retrieve anything. It would break my heart.
I think that nature is trying to tell us something. Think back just a little bit, the tsunami, multiple hurricane's, and most recently earthquakes. This past weekend I saw a show on public television about a lost city in Asia. They were trying to determine what happened to the city. Why did it get taken over by the jungle? In the end they found that the city had become so big that they had used all their resources, and the toll that the people were taking on the land was too much for it to take. Floods began to take over among other things. The jungle and forrested areas are like sponges and they soke up water. Our cities and towns are not sponges. And the place where they were studying had been a city larger than New York City. Massive tragedy took over the city through natural disasters which probably led to a huge death toll and then disease. I believe that is what is happening to our world today. As it has repeatedly happened throughout history.
I don't think that it is a good idea to rebuild because it is certain to happen again. Certian. Not probably or possible. It will happen again. How many more people have to die before we listen to what the earth is telling us? We are over-populated, we don't take care of our world, and we war like there is no tomorrow, we use all our natural resources and cut down trees because they ruin the "view". Soon, there will be no tomorrow and it will be our fault because we did not read or listen to the signs. We did not try to stop the maddness. We did not respect the land. We will pay the price...many already have.
We are stubborn and we want what we think belongs to us. We want to be resilient and build it up again to prove that we can carry on. It's a nice romantic sentitment. But will our children or their children be the ones who suffer because we weren't going to let mother nature get the best of us? What are we trying to prove by rebuilding? That we can't be knocked down? Well, we CAN be knocked down and maybe we should wipe off the dirt, tend to the wounds and say, " Maybe this isn't going to work out. We had a beautiful city and now it's gone. Let's build a memorial to our city and it's people so that others don't forget. Let's use the money it would take to rebuild and give it to those who lost so much in this tragedy."
You should always listen to your Mother.
But again, I know that I don't fully understand. I have never been there. What I do understand is that I don't want more people to die because of human stubborness and determination. This has happened too many times. We must learn.
Peace,
desdamona
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Friday, October 07, 2005
Desi
This picture was taken one night after a show by my friend, Dan. Turned out pretty interesting. :)
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Biten
When I can, I try and give other artists opportunities because I know how hard it is to get into the scene....especially as a woman. But over the years I've met people who are manipulative and don't have their own true identities and are content to be "biters" or in other words, people who will ride off what you created for yourself - or people who imitate, duplicate, you get the idea. And then get credit for it! eh!!!! What the....
This crap leaves me fuming. Really, you can probably see the smoke billowing from my head. I just don't understand why anyone would ever, ever, ever want to do this. Then people say to me, imitation is a form fo flattery...HA! well, you can keep your flattery. I don't want it or need it. Matter of fact, stay far, far away from me with that crap. It's sort of like "single white female"...yikes!
This crap leaves me fuming. Really, you can probably see the smoke billowing from my head. I just don't understand why anyone would ever, ever, ever want to do this. Then people say to me, imitation is a form fo flattery...HA! well, you can keep your flattery. I don't want it or need it. Matter of fact, stay far, far away from me with that crap. It's sort of like "single white female"...yikes!
Monday, October 03, 2005
Try Harder
I'm trying to be nice. Really. I am. But some people just push me over the edge. I think that my problem is that I was too nice when I was younger and so now I've stored up all the annoyance and it has to come out.
I think most people would say I'm a nice person....most. At least I hope so. I don't really want to be known as a jerk. But when someone is really bothering me I find what works best is to let them know in a subtle way initially. Then if that doesn't work you have to get hardcore. You kind of have to let people know that you won't put up with their shit or else they keep bringing it on.
I know I'm being rather vague....because I'm not talking about one specific person. It's actually a couple people that got under my skin and they are making me itch like I have fleas. ick!!!! ok, now I'm laughing. ahhhh, Aveno.
I'm a little crazy...I just wrote a diss poem about someone which isn't something I typically do. I needed to get it out of my system. So that maybe I can just let it go. blah, blah, blah....
sometimesitsuckstobeaniceguy.
des
I think most people would say I'm a nice person....most. At least I hope so. I don't really want to be known as a jerk. But when someone is really bothering me I find what works best is to let them know in a subtle way initially. Then if that doesn't work you have to get hardcore. You kind of have to let people know that you won't put up with their shit or else they keep bringing it on.
I know I'm being rather vague....because I'm not talking about one specific person. It's actually a couple people that got under my skin and they are making me itch like I have fleas. ick!!!! ok, now I'm laughing. ahhhh, Aveno.
I'm a little crazy...I just wrote a diss poem about someone which isn't something I typically do. I needed to get it out of my system. So that maybe I can just let it go. blah, blah, blah....
sometimesitsuckstobeaniceguy.
des
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Poems
Desdamona written April 23, 2005
Twin Cities Tribute
This is as serious as Kanser. I searched the earth and the Atmosphere to find the answer for this D.igital U.nderground Nation. I had this Eyedea to ressurect the Unknown Prophets to remind the I, self, divine that we need to build up our foundation of hip hop respect and put the negativity to rest. But the Truth is a Maze that we trek through and this is only Stage One. We got a lot more to do. So, I prayed to the Mazta. I went to my friend, the one and only Brother Ali. He told me that the answer was already within me and all I had to do is use it. So I use it. Check myself, so I don't abuse it...and I Rek all the Heavyweights who said I couldn't do it. I use my PenSoul as a Manifestor of Mindcontrol and it has been said that I'm O.n S.omethin' P.ersonal. I come Phull Circle. I am the versitile Dialog Elevator, better known as a fierce RhymeSayer. I use Traditional Methods, translate them through the future and Beyond. And all I want is to be remembered when I'm gone. To the CORE this Crescent Moon is a Fundamentalist with Twisted Linguistics and if I get pushed too far Out of Bounds, my opponent will catch a Deadfist . I am a Dtekh-tive so don't try to act like you No-Mi - like using the name my mother gave me, makes you my homie. I got Abilities and I am Illicit, constantly creatin' Many Styles. I use these Inkproof Indigo, Mystic blues to break Illusions and I tell the truth Extreme, always blatant-ly – Insanely Beautiful. Poized and Concentrated I get the crowd emotionally naked. This ain't a game to me. It's somethin' sacred. Like a King, IXL past the mediocrity and I bring into vision Arkology. There is Knonam that can completely describe me. If you can't pronounce Desdamona correctly maybe you can Try-D. I be the lyrical Orikal, the Golden Soundsmith of speech and I'll give it to ya 2Times cause that's how I teach. I got Big Quarters in my pocket. 75 cents from these Odd Jobs – I'm on my knees...but you know I still shine like the Illuminous 3. This new breed is widening the Gene Poole. It's time we leave this Freshnest and send these b boys babies off to school. I watch these Stereotype Click MC's go to lyrical war. These Battle Cats steady seek Xcaliber. This Abstract Pack perpetually rock mics and get wicked with the RDM. Once they tried to school me and make me their Protegee but I was like, “A Money, I'm a Kamillion and I'm gonna do this my own way!” I've witnessed the Carnage and I had the Capacity to endure – waded through the water – proof that I am the Purest Form of flesh while the Gardians of Balance put me to the test. I withstood the HEAT and I made my own way and every experience I had made me who I am today. So, I give Heiruspecs to the peoples pushin it for-words. To all the Native Sons, Native Ones and daughters. This is a Mikchek message and a love letter to all the music makers in these Twin Trac-Cities and if I forgot your name it doesn't mean that I don't think you're worth the time...it just didn't fit into the rhyme and I got love just the same.
R.hythm A.nd P.oetry
(Iwanted to be an MC) Desdamona 1998
Sometimes I rhyme slow / sometimes I rhyme quick / You thought I was Nice -n-Smooth but I'm really just Slick, Rick / “...I tick and I talk...” with my biological clock / And I crawl when I can't walk / I've seen Joy and Pain and realized that there's always sunshine after the rain / I Got it Made / “...got everything from cotton to suede...” / Seen The Ledge from the edge / wanted to be a Leader of the New School
but ended up in Special Ed / They told me I was Too Short and too Vanilla Ice
Said I shouldn't rock the mic because I wasn't Too Hype / They called me MC Lyte and it wasn't because I was skinny / I thought PE stood for physical education
I called in a request and they said I had the wrong station / I drifted from the Pharcyde 'til I saw the De La of my Soul / The beat kept passin' me by so I decided to let it go / I found a honeycomb and that's where I met A Tribe Called Quest but the Killa Bees chased me outta the nest / I just wanted to be a part of the Goodie Mobb but they told me I was just an Outkast and that I would never Everlast /
So I went down to the Lords of the Underground / But they told me not to BustaRhyme / They said, “Common Sense will tell you that it's just not the right time.” / I went from Biggie to Smalls to find lyrcis that fit / Then they asked me if I was ready to be a True Fuschnick / They showed me the M.E.T.H.O.D. And the Treacherous Technics / They blessed me with the rhythm but I still couldn't find the beat / They scribed Hieroglyphics and traced it back to the Roots / I saw The Show and then I got Juiced / I met this cat named Eric B and I asked him to listen / But he told me I didn't Rakim and then he started dissin' / I “...put the needle on the record...” and thought the sound was Mos Def / Went to the store with 50 Cent and bought some Eminems / I passed out on the way back to my house / My mom found me on the sidewalk / with water she doused / She said, “Are you Conscious Daughter? Or should I call Dr Dre?” and I said, “ No, no...it's ok. I just need a tall glass of LL Cool J.” / That night I dremt of Black Stars and jazzy Digable Planets and it made me feel high Then I saw a little Redman floating through the sky / The Beastie Boys who lived next door woke me up / the little creeps / And they said, “If you're gonna be an MC, don't sleep!” / I thought, these Souls of Mischief have got to be Alkaholics / 'Cause they took my bottle of Brass Monkey and then they stole my wallet / That's when I realized that this hip hop thing wasn't for me / So, from then on I called all my rhymes poetry
Twin Cities Tribute
This is as serious as Kanser. I searched the earth and the Atmosphere to find the answer for this D.igital U.nderground Nation. I had this Eyedea to ressurect the Unknown Prophets to remind the I, self, divine that we need to build up our foundation of hip hop respect and put the negativity to rest. But the Truth is a Maze that we trek through and this is only Stage One. We got a lot more to do. So, I prayed to the Mazta. I went to my friend, the one and only Brother Ali. He told me that the answer was already within me and all I had to do is use it. So I use it. Check myself, so I don't abuse it...and I Rek all the Heavyweights who said I couldn't do it. I use my PenSoul as a Manifestor of Mindcontrol and it has been said that I'm O.n S.omethin' P.ersonal. I come Phull Circle. I am the versitile Dialog Elevator, better known as a fierce RhymeSayer. I use Traditional Methods, translate them through the future and Beyond. And all I want is to be remembered when I'm gone. To the CORE this Crescent Moon is a Fundamentalist with Twisted Linguistics and if I get pushed too far Out of Bounds, my opponent will catch a Deadfist . I am a Dtekh-tive so don't try to act like you No-Mi - like using the name my mother gave me, makes you my homie. I got Abilities and I am Illicit, constantly creatin' Many Styles. I use these Inkproof Indigo, Mystic blues to break Illusions and I tell the truth Extreme, always blatant-ly – Insanely Beautiful. Poized and Concentrated I get the crowd emotionally naked. This ain't a game to me. It's somethin' sacred. Like a King, IXL past the mediocrity and I bring into vision Arkology. There is Knonam that can completely describe me. If you can't pronounce Desdamona correctly maybe you can Try-D. I be the lyrical Orikal, the Golden Soundsmith of speech and I'll give it to ya 2Times cause that's how I teach. I got Big Quarters in my pocket. 75 cents from these Odd Jobs – I'm on my knees...but you know I still shine like the Illuminous 3. This new breed is widening the Gene Poole. It's time we leave this Freshnest and send these b boys babies off to school. I watch these Stereotype Click MC's go to lyrical war. These Battle Cats steady seek Xcaliber. This Abstract Pack perpetually rock mics and get wicked with the RDM. Once they tried to school me and make me their Protegee but I was like, “A Money, I'm a Kamillion and I'm gonna do this my own way!” I've witnessed the Carnage and I had the Capacity to endure – waded through the water – proof that I am the Purest Form of flesh while the Gardians of Balance put me to the test. I withstood the HEAT and I made my own way and every experience I had made me who I am today. So, I give Heiruspecs to the peoples pushin it for-words. To all the Native Sons, Native Ones and daughters. This is a Mikchek message and a love letter to all the music makers in these Twin Trac-Cities and if I forgot your name it doesn't mean that I don't think you're worth the time...it just didn't fit into the rhyme and I got love just the same.
R.hythm A.nd P.oetry
(Iwanted to be an MC) Desdamona 1998
Sometimes I rhyme slow / sometimes I rhyme quick / You thought I was Nice -n-Smooth but I'm really just Slick, Rick / “...I tick and I talk...” with my biological clock / And I crawl when I can't walk / I've seen Joy and Pain and realized that there's always sunshine after the rain / I Got it Made / “...got everything from cotton to suede...” / Seen The Ledge from the edge / wanted to be a Leader of the New School
but ended up in Special Ed / They told me I was Too Short and too Vanilla Ice
Said I shouldn't rock the mic because I wasn't Too Hype / They called me MC Lyte and it wasn't because I was skinny / I thought PE stood for physical education
I called in a request and they said I had the wrong station / I drifted from the Pharcyde 'til I saw the De La of my Soul / The beat kept passin' me by so I decided to let it go / I found a honeycomb and that's where I met A Tribe Called Quest but the Killa Bees chased me outta the nest / I just wanted to be a part of the Goodie Mobb but they told me I was just an Outkast and that I would never Everlast /
So I went down to the Lords of the Underground / But they told me not to BustaRhyme / They said, “Common Sense will tell you that it's just not the right time.” / I went from Biggie to Smalls to find lyrcis that fit / Then they asked me if I was ready to be a True Fuschnick / They showed me the M.E.T.H.O.D. And the Treacherous Technics / They blessed me with the rhythm but I still couldn't find the beat / They scribed Hieroglyphics and traced it back to the Roots / I saw The Show and then I got Juiced / I met this cat named Eric B and I asked him to listen / But he told me I didn't Rakim and then he started dissin' / I “...put the needle on the record...” and thought the sound was Mos Def / Went to the store with 50 Cent and bought some Eminems / I passed out on the way back to my house / My mom found me on the sidewalk / with water she doused / She said, “Are you Conscious Daughter? Or should I call Dr Dre?” and I said, “ No, no...it's ok. I just need a tall glass of LL Cool J.” / That night I dremt of Black Stars and jazzy Digable Planets and it made me feel high Then I saw a little Redman floating through the sky / The Beastie Boys who lived next door woke me up / the little creeps / And they said, “If you're gonna be an MC, don't sleep!” / I thought, these Souls of Mischief have got to be Alkaholics / 'Cause they took my bottle of Brass Monkey and then they stole my wallet / That's when I realized that this hip hop thing wasn't for me / So, from then on I called all my rhymes poetry
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Hamburger Dreams
For the past 2 nights I have been dreaming about hamburgers. I don't usually eat red meat but....I broke down and went to the store and bought some yesterday. Made myself a burger and it was great. Maybe I'm iron deficient or something. Today I was craving another....so I had one.
I've been trying to lose some weight so I'm sure that won't help but maybe I'll just have to make an extra lap around the lake today.
I've been trying to lose some weight so I'm sure that won't help but maybe I'll just have to make an extra lap around the lake today.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Pissed off about EVERYTHING
Lately I have come in contact with a couple people who are just constantly mad about something. In my dealings with them I realized that it's easy to fall into the maddness of being mad about petty things and then carrying around that baggage and putting it on other people. Ridiculous!
There is this kid I know and he thinks he knows everything. He's about 21 years old so you know where he's at. I don't think I have ever heard him say anything nice. He is constantly telling people how dumb they are and that they are wrong...and that he is right....and it's always in a defensive or abrasive tone. It makes me wonder how this kid even has any friends.
Anyone outside his circle of friends is a NOBODY to him.
It makes me wonder what his everyday life is actually like. It must be absolutely miserable. Constantly mad or annoyed by someone. Always believing that he's right and that everyone else on the face of the planet is a complete idiot. What a lonely and depressing world.
I hope that he figure it out soon and sees that life is what you make it. And if you don't believe in other people, you don't really believe in yourself. There's so much negativity around us on a daily basis....why create more? What's the point?
Maybe he had a bad childhood and just hasn't gotten over it....but I read something the other day - can't remember where - it said, "You had a bad childhood but now it's over." I thought to myself, "yeah." for real. It's over so move on up and out of that black cloud. It's over. Just keep telling yourself that and maybe you'll believe it one of these days.
------
Today I ran into a guy at the grocery store. I didn't recognize him at first but I had actually gone on one date with him about a year ago. He was at the pay phone. I smiled a said hello when he spoke and then I just kept walking inside. It didn't dawn on me yet who he was.
But of course, on my way out I see him again. Actually he came into my line and walked in front of other people acting as if he was with me. I paid for my things. Then he paid for his while asking me why I never called him, and things like, "I thought we had a good time." etc. He was obviously hurt by my not calling him. I also noticed that his button down shirt was buttoned wrong and I could have been nice and told him so but I thought, nahhhh...
So, let me tell you what happened on the "date". We went to the Mall of America (not my top of the list date place). he was hungry so I told him how to get to Dixie's in St Paul. He had never been there and actually acted scared to go to a place he had never been. He asted weird almost the whole time we were there but was pleasantly suprised with the food. For about 10 minutes he stood outside (me, inside) and talked on his phone. Then he came back in. We split the bill and left. Then we stopped at 2 different houses where I got to stay in the car while he went in and was gone for 15-20 minutes both times. I had somewhere to be in the evening so I asked if he would take me home. He said he didn't want me to leave. I told him that I would call him when I was done, to appease him. I wasn't going to call. I wanted to escape. I felt like a prisoner because he kept saying he didn't want to take me home. But, he did. Before he took me he reached over and grabbed my head and gave me an UNWANTED kiss. I pulled away - and told him that I didn't want to kiss him. He tried again. I just about flipped on him. I said, "you don't TAKE a kiss from someone." He didn't get it....at all. Like he deserved what he wanted. Finally, he brought me home but I was a little scared the whole way and I was regretting that fact that he knew where I lived.
I didn't call him that night. And I don't think that he called me either but I can't remember.
So - back to the store. I stood outside and talked to him for about 5 minutes. The whole time he was asking why I didn't call him. I told him he was too agressive and replayed the kissing scene. What do you know, he still didn't get it. Then he kept asking hypothetical questions like, "if I wouldn't have done that do you think we would be together?"
He asked for my number. I said no. He asked if he could give me his. I said no. (this is the typical, can't take NO for an answer)He said why. I told him I was seeing someone. As I was saying this he began talking to himself about the magazine he had. Then he proceeds to tell me that it looks like I've gained weight. (I've lost weight) and then says some remark about the "person I'm seeing" - 2 Nice little jabs at me because I wouldn't give this idiot my freaking number. Then he just started to walk away. My guess is that he wanted me to follow him. HAHAHAHAAAA! I walked to my car and smiled to myself. Thank god I got away from that creep. I would like to meet his mother and see if she knows that her son doesn't know a thing about chivalry, kindness or simple respect. Does she know her son is possessive, agressive and completely inept? Probably not.
There is this kid I know and he thinks he knows everything. He's about 21 years old so you know where he's at. I don't think I have ever heard him say anything nice. He is constantly telling people how dumb they are and that they are wrong...and that he is right....and it's always in a defensive or abrasive tone. It makes me wonder how this kid even has any friends.
Anyone outside his circle of friends is a NOBODY to him.
It makes me wonder what his everyday life is actually like. It must be absolutely miserable. Constantly mad or annoyed by someone. Always believing that he's right and that everyone else on the face of the planet is a complete idiot. What a lonely and depressing world.
I hope that he figure it out soon and sees that life is what you make it. And if you don't believe in other people, you don't really believe in yourself. There's so much negativity around us on a daily basis....why create more? What's the point?
Maybe he had a bad childhood and just hasn't gotten over it....but I read something the other day - can't remember where - it said, "You had a bad childhood but now it's over." I thought to myself, "yeah." for real. It's over so move on up and out of that black cloud. It's over. Just keep telling yourself that and maybe you'll believe it one of these days.
------
Today I ran into a guy at the grocery store. I didn't recognize him at first but I had actually gone on one date with him about a year ago. He was at the pay phone. I smiled a said hello when he spoke and then I just kept walking inside. It didn't dawn on me yet who he was.
But of course, on my way out I see him again. Actually he came into my line and walked in front of other people acting as if he was with me. I paid for my things. Then he paid for his while asking me why I never called him, and things like, "I thought we had a good time." etc. He was obviously hurt by my not calling him. I also noticed that his button down shirt was buttoned wrong and I could have been nice and told him so but I thought, nahhhh...
So, let me tell you what happened on the "date". We went to the Mall of America (not my top of the list date place). he was hungry so I told him how to get to Dixie's in St Paul. He had never been there and actually acted scared to go to a place he had never been. He asted weird almost the whole time we were there but was pleasantly suprised with the food. For about 10 minutes he stood outside (me, inside) and talked on his phone. Then he came back in. We split the bill and left. Then we stopped at 2 different houses where I got to stay in the car while he went in and was gone for 15-20 minutes both times. I had somewhere to be in the evening so I asked if he would take me home. He said he didn't want me to leave. I told him that I would call him when I was done, to appease him. I wasn't going to call. I wanted to escape. I felt like a prisoner because he kept saying he didn't want to take me home. But, he did. Before he took me he reached over and grabbed my head and gave me an UNWANTED kiss. I pulled away - and told him that I didn't want to kiss him. He tried again. I just about flipped on him. I said, "you don't TAKE a kiss from someone." He didn't get it....at all. Like he deserved what he wanted. Finally, he brought me home but I was a little scared the whole way and I was regretting that fact that he knew where I lived.
I didn't call him that night. And I don't think that he called me either but I can't remember.
So - back to the store. I stood outside and talked to him for about 5 minutes. The whole time he was asking why I didn't call him. I told him he was too agressive and replayed the kissing scene. What do you know, he still didn't get it. Then he kept asking hypothetical questions like, "if I wouldn't have done that do you think we would be together?"
He asked for my number. I said no. He asked if he could give me his. I said no. (this is the typical, can't take NO for an answer)He said why. I told him I was seeing someone. As I was saying this he began talking to himself about the magazine he had. Then he proceeds to tell me that it looks like I've gained weight. (I've lost weight) and then says some remark about the "person I'm seeing" - 2 Nice little jabs at me because I wouldn't give this idiot my freaking number. Then he just started to walk away. My guess is that he wanted me to follow him. HAHAHAHAAAA! I walked to my car and smiled to myself. Thank god I got away from that creep. I would like to meet his mother and see if she knows that her son doesn't know a thing about chivalry, kindness or simple respect. Does she know her son is possessive, agressive and completely inept? Probably not.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Write with the moon. Right with the moon. Rite with the moon.
Desdamona 2004
When the moon is full I write with invisible ink
It slides down my page onto my legs
Invades my private space
Leaving traces of ink to sink into my lunar legacy
Words capture me like winged freedom inside a butterfly net
Bitter sweet captivity
Words
The only things that still me
Sooth me
Cure me
Kill me
My wings powdered delicately
Laced with my dangerous emancipation
If I could truly be all I was meant to be
You just wouldn’t believe
When the moon is at three quarters
Life seems shorter
A cup almost full of water
Minus one swallow
Swallow sings on sultry, slippery seams
Of what is and what used to be me
Song bird sing to me
While the moon is but a sliver
A sharp slice of peace
I feel empty
Darkness invading my privacy
Moon always watching me
And while the moon is fraternizing with her midnight sky
My eyes open wide to see if I might find some of her secrets
She twists the tides and turns them into seasons
Each wave
One of her reasons for being
And me and my body of water is imprisoned gracefully by her gravity
She can only confine but never truly capture me
She births and nurtures me
Buildings burdens to flirt with me and my capacity to endure
She is pure divinity
Placed in my sight to remind me
That she will remain here long after I leave
A mother
So inclined to outlive her offspring
A mother so divine she will outlive her offspring
When the moon is full I write with invisible ink
It slides down my page onto my legs
Invades my private space
Leaving traces of ink to sink into my lunar legacy
Words capture me like winged freedom inside a butterfly net
Bitter sweet captivity
Words
The only things that still me
Sooth me
Cure me
Kill me
My wings powdered delicately
Laced with my dangerous emancipation
If I could truly be all I was meant to be
You just wouldn’t believe
When the moon is at three quarters
Life seems shorter
A cup almost full of water
Minus one swallow
Swallow sings on sultry, slippery seams
Of what is and what used to be me
Song bird sing to me
While the moon is but a sliver
A sharp slice of peace
I feel empty
Darkness invading my privacy
Moon always watching me
And while the moon is fraternizing with her midnight sky
My eyes open wide to see if I might find some of her secrets
She twists the tides and turns them into seasons
Each wave
One of her reasons for being
And me and my body of water is imprisoned gracefully by her gravity
She can only confine but never truly capture me
She births and nurtures me
Buildings burdens to flirt with me and my capacity to endure
She is pure divinity
Placed in my sight to remind me
That she will remain here long after I leave
A mother
So inclined to outlive her offspring
A mother so divine she will outlive her offspring
Thursday, September 22, 2005
When the wind blows....
I've been walking around the lake every day since Labor day and I have to say that it is so refreshing. The weather has been great and even on the cooler days the sun is still shining. This is my favorite time of year. While other Minnesotans have a dark cloud over their heads and they are complaining about their impending doom, I am simply happy with the whole thing. The air smells great and we get a little bit of everything. Sun, rain, wind, cool, warm, great sunsets. How could anyone complain? Yes, winter is coming but the past few years have been fairly mild. I like winter anyway.
Yesterday at First Avenue I performed for the 25th Annual MN Music Awards. I played with some friends of mine, The New Congress. It was a great night! I won an award for "best spoken word artist" but I didn't win the other 3 I was nominated for. It doesn't even matter because the best part of the night was being able to perform. I can't even begin to explain how much fun it was and from the looks of it, the crowd was lovin' it too. I had my friend Nikki dance to the introduction so she got everybody into it. fabulous! While this was all going on there was a storm raging outside. I think that a tornado touched down some where near Minneapolis. But, I missed it all because I was at the awards.
This morning I got up and went to walk around the lake and I got to see what the storm had left behind. There were branches and twigs every where, strewn across the grass. It kind of looked like maybe the trees got into a little scuff and lost their cool along with some limbs and leaves. On my walk through this earthly cemetary of broken trees there was a steady wind pushing itself across the lake, rattling the leaves that managed to hold tight to their owners. There is always a wind around the lake but today it was stronger than normal. Everytime the wind kicks in I can't help but smile and sometimes I laugh because of it's force. I can't believe that something so invisible can be so strong. It's just amazing to me and I love it...the way it sounds and the way it feels.
When I perform I kind of go to a different place and it all comes out of me. I don't really pay attention to what I'm doing....I just do it. I hope that I create that wind when people are listening to me.
Yesterday at First Avenue I performed for the 25th Annual MN Music Awards. I played with some friends of mine, The New Congress. It was a great night! I won an award for "best spoken word artist" but I didn't win the other 3 I was nominated for. It doesn't even matter because the best part of the night was being able to perform. I can't even begin to explain how much fun it was and from the looks of it, the crowd was lovin' it too. I had my friend Nikki dance to the introduction so she got everybody into it. fabulous! While this was all going on there was a storm raging outside. I think that a tornado touched down some where near Minneapolis. But, I missed it all because I was at the awards.
This morning I got up and went to walk around the lake and I got to see what the storm had left behind. There were branches and twigs every where, strewn across the grass. It kind of looked like maybe the trees got into a little scuff and lost their cool along with some limbs and leaves. On my walk through this earthly cemetary of broken trees there was a steady wind pushing itself across the lake, rattling the leaves that managed to hold tight to their owners. There is always a wind around the lake but today it was stronger than normal. Everytime the wind kicks in I can't help but smile and sometimes I laugh because of it's force. I can't believe that something so invisible can be so strong. It's just amazing to me and I love it...the way it sounds and the way it feels.
When I perform I kind of go to a different place and it all comes out of me. I don't really pay attention to what I'm doing....I just do it. I hope that I create that wind when people are listening to me.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Drunk Boys
Tonight I had a show at the Dunkytowner. For those who don't know, the Dinytowner is a bar in Dinkytown, which is part of the U of M campus. So, as we all know....campus equals drunk college kids. Or girls sitting at the door of the bar in front of a trash can, leaned over, on her way to passing out. Yes, that really happened.
So, in this scenario I do feel a little old and sometimes out of place. I have never drank in my life. Never been drunk or anything. Seeing people totally out of control makes me worried about them and their safty, even when I don't know them. But that's not what I want to write about.
Here it is: I am at the merch table before I go on for my set. I'm just sitting there minding my own business. A few people come and talk to me. Everything is cool. Then a young man comes and sits on the other side of the table with a few friends. This is normal because it's where all the merchandise is so, random people sit at the table.
One of the guys on the other side says, "How'd you get those?" and I said, "What?" and here said, "Those things in your hair." (those things in my hair were rubberbands) So I tell the guy I put them in my hair and he acted astonished that I did it myself (ok, the dude is drunk). Then he gets up out of his chair and comes over to me. He comes in real close and says, "You have beautiful breasts and beautiful hair." Then he slides his hand down my back onto my ass!!!!!! I move his hand and don't say anything. He says something else to me but I don't hear him. "What?" and he says he doesn't remember. So, I say, "Well, I'm about to perform..." - in an attempt to get him to set back a little. He says, "Is that a sign for me to back off? I think that's a sign for me to back off." And he stumbled his way back to the other side.
I saw him try to talk to about 3 other girls. This guy was so drunk he couldn't even act normal, stand up or even sit down without his chin dropping like he was asleep. Normally, I might be offended by what he said but I know that he was totally out of control and bad judgment in the form of alcohol had clouded his faculties to the point where I just felt sorry for the dude and tried to imagine him sober. Was he an asshole when he was sober? Or a nice guy? Hmmm, hard to tell. But one thing I do know is that he's going to have a rough time tomorrow and he won't remember anything he did tonight.
So, in this scenario I do feel a little old and sometimes out of place. I have never drank in my life. Never been drunk or anything. Seeing people totally out of control makes me worried about them and their safty, even when I don't know them. But that's not what I want to write about.
Here it is: I am at the merch table before I go on for my set. I'm just sitting there minding my own business. A few people come and talk to me. Everything is cool. Then a young man comes and sits on the other side of the table with a few friends. This is normal because it's where all the merchandise is so, random people sit at the table.
One of the guys on the other side says, "How'd you get those?" and I said, "What?" and here said, "Those things in your hair." (those things in my hair were rubberbands) So I tell the guy I put them in my hair and he acted astonished that I did it myself (ok, the dude is drunk). Then he gets up out of his chair and comes over to me. He comes in real close and says, "You have beautiful breasts and beautiful hair." Then he slides his hand down my back onto my ass!!!!!! I move his hand and don't say anything. He says something else to me but I don't hear him. "What?" and he says he doesn't remember. So, I say, "Well, I'm about to perform..." - in an attempt to get him to set back a little. He says, "Is that a sign for me to back off? I think that's a sign for me to back off." And he stumbled his way back to the other side.
I saw him try to talk to about 3 other girls. This guy was so drunk he couldn't even act normal, stand up or even sit down without his chin dropping like he was asleep. Normally, I might be offended by what he said but I know that he was totally out of control and bad judgment in the form of alcohol had clouded his faculties to the point where I just felt sorry for the dude and tried to imagine him sober. Was he an asshole when he was sober? Or a nice guy? Hmmm, hard to tell. But one thing I do know is that he's going to have a rough time tomorrow and he won't remember anything he did tonight.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
The other day....
I got an email from someone praising my work as an artist. They then proceeded to ask me to be involved in an event to raise awareness and funds for an organization that shall remain nameless. These kinds of emails are pretty typical in my life. I have done many benefits and fundraisers for many different non-profits and arts organizations.
Their request was that I host an event and I would also perform bewteen acts. Now, hosting is a J.O.B. which is probably why they asked me to do it. It ain't easy and I'll be honest and say that most of the time it really ain't all that much fun. It's work! I host an open mic every week and sometimes it can be the most annoying night. And then sometimes it can be fabulous. So, when people request this of me I have to take this into consideration.
I recently decided that if people want me to host and since it is a larger responsibility than a 15-30 minute performance (which is something that I love to do, by the way), then I would have to charge for hosting. I will perform for free for a cause that I believe in or an organization that is really doing something important.
I do respect the organization that requested my talent but I have to admit that when I responded to their request saying that I would perform for free but if they wanted me to host, I would need to be compensated - and they responded back, I have to approve it with the commitee - In my mind I was like, didn't you already want me to perform? But I guess they didn't. They wanted me to host. The performance they suggested was just to appease me. I need money to appease me. geez!
I know that it wasn't their intention to disrespect me - but this is typical treatment of an artist. Our real skills are not valued the way that they should be (even by our selves). People don't understand that some of us do this for a living. We're not just doing it for fun. It's out livelihood. Even an offering of $20 would be welcome by us. It's our time, our hearts, our talents, and our selves we're giving. Isn't that worth something?
It is to me. And this is really all I have.
Their request was that I host an event and I would also perform bewteen acts. Now, hosting is a J.O.B. which is probably why they asked me to do it. It ain't easy and I'll be honest and say that most of the time it really ain't all that much fun. It's work! I host an open mic every week and sometimes it can be the most annoying night. And then sometimes it can be fabulous. So, when people request this of me I have to take this into consideration.
I recently decided that if people want me to host and since it is a larger responsibility than a 15-30 minute performance (which is something that I love to do, by the way), then I would have to charge for hosting. I will perform for free for a cause that I believe in or an organization that is really doing something important.
I do respect the organization that requested my talent but I have to admit that when I responded to their request saying that I would perform for free but if they wanted me to host, I would need to be compensated - and they responded back, I have to approve it with the commitee - In my mind I was like, didn't you already want me to perform? But I guess they didn't. They wanted me to host. The performance they suggested was just to appease me. I need money to appease me. geez!
I know that it wasn't their intention to disrespect me - but this is typical treatment of an artist. Our real skills are not valued the way that they should be (even by our selves). People don't understand that some of us do this for a living. We're not just doing it for fun. It's out livelihood. Even an offering of $20 would be welcome by us. It's our time, our hearts, our talents, and our selves we're giving. Isn't that worth something?
It is to me. And this is really all I have.
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