I've noticed that I'm not nearly as nice as a used to be. Actually, I may have been too nice and somehow I have eased my way to the dark side. Maybe it's because bullying can get to a girl. I know we've all been bullied but the thing about it is, we all deal with it in different ways. I guess my way, and I hate to admit it, is to shut down or judge people & hold grudges.
I wish it wasn't true. But I do hold grudges and I will quickly cut someone off if I feel they have treated me disrespectfully or manipulated me. I have many friends who put up with these behaviors from some of their friends. Honestly, it sort seems like martyrdom – but I know that's just me judging again. I just refuse to let people manipulate me. Who knows what they really want from me? I don't want to find out.
I know there are a lot of insecure people out there and of course, we can all be insecure about things. But when your personal insecurities interfear with relationships it gets messy partially because we don't know that we are projecting our insecurities and also because it leads to misunderstandings. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. But then I think of something Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are believe them the first time.” Maybe it's harsh but it eliminates the prospect of any further chaos and confusion. I'm all about eliminating chaos.
The people who are my close friends are people I admire, respect, appreciate and in almost every case we can talk about anything. I don't feel manipulated by them and if I did I know I could talk to them about it. My friends have integrity and a good sense of who and what is around them. It's never all about them. They are compassionate and intelligent and I am lucky to have such good people in my life. They teach me to be more accepting and that maybe I'm a little too hard on people. We all make mistakes. We all have faults. They help me to see that holding grudges and judging people only feeds into the behavior, which means I become what I say I hate. I don't want that. No one does. So, it's time to ease back over to the light and let it go. Right? Right! Write.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
This blog just confirms my belief that writing makes things clearer - in your own mind. It's a wonderful exercise in figuring out all kinds of things - it makes you think! Keep writing!
Thanks for the info on your site on Canada. You never know when a girl might wanna move to Canada to get away from this craziness. :)
And thanks for the post. (both of you)
peace, desdamona
I definately hold grudges. I even held one for 15 years. Not exactly a trait I'm proud of, but if someone screws me over, that's it, I'm done. A lot of groveling and genuflecting is the only thing that will get them back into my good graces. It's the German in me I guess
Post a Comment